Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
