Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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