Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
