Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
