Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
