Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
