The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
