It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
