look no pants
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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