I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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