Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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