I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize