hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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