It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
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