Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
