Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize