I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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