We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
