I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm always down for nudity.
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