Your face is a jimmy john
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
