$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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