Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize
