My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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