Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
