Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
