Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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