i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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