I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
they're like a gay fantastic four
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
