I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
