it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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