i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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