I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
