SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
