...so i touched it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
