Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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