So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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