She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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