i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
