My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize