i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
