She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
