she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
