Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she looked like the before picture.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
