you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
