I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Houston, we have a blender
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
