'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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