we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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