I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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