He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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