I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
