There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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