I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Boobs are out for the taking
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
