I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Randomize
