I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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