saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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