ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
