i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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