apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
