I'm really into asian looking animals
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
