what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
