I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
