so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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