Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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