4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
