It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
