I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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