There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
