Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
