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do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
