Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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